The testimony of our Marriage

In honor of our 6 year wedding anniversary, I wanted to share the testimony of mine and my husband's marriage. Though by no means do I feel that 6 years is a huge milestone that deserves the praise of our peers, I do think that this day and age it's an accomplishment that we continue to work for with every passing year. I'd like to share the testimony of our marriage and how God has and continues to work through it every single day.

On January 25, 2005, Chris' mother went home to be with Jesus. Devastated at the loss of his angelic spiritual rock it led him to search for the thing that made his mother who she was. Christ. He mourned the loss of his mother day and night, praying for a solution to his pain. His prayer was for God to send him his wife.

I was in my senior year of high school getting ready for graduation at age 19. I was a very friendly, outgoing, student. I was highly involved with taking and teaching dance especially in the ministry. Highly involved in church activities and so in love with Christ (Still am. Just want to give you an idea of where I was at spiritually).

Hubby before we met.

A classmate gave me the number to a phone chat line one day. I have never heard of a phone chat line and had no idea what it was all about or even why she gave it to me. So one night, weeks later, I called it. The concept was to record a message about yourself which will go into a rotation so other callers could listen while you listen to other callers messages. If you like someone's message you press # or something to punch through and talk to them. As I'm listening I get a request from someone wanting to talk to me. I accepted. It was Chris. We talked for a while about our hobbies and interests and he told me about his mother's passing without giving too many details. We exchanged real numbers and began talking and texting back and forth over the next few months.

I wasn't looking for a relationship or anything, I just thought he was a nice person and wonderful to talk to. A few months later I drove up to Tampa where he was from and we met. He took me out for our first date at Benigan's. Now my first impression of Chris was that he was a very nice guy who I would like to be friends with but nothing more. I wasn't attracted to him in any other way. However, Chris had other plans and began perusing me romantically. In fact after our first date he called his best friend and told him he met the woman he's going to marry. We began dating.

It didn't take long before God began to reveal to me that Chris was the man God made for me to spend my life with. I started falling in love with him. One night he proposed, and I said "Yes."

Back in my High School days

The weekend of my graduation (the following day actually) my family had a get together in honor of a members birthday. Chris and I were separated so our pastor could take me and a few others out to celebrate our graduation. Neither of us wanted this and I was skeptical as my family members were white traditionalists (out of respect I'm keeping this description very vanilla). Long story short I came back from the luncheon to find Chris by himself outside by the water with everyone else inside. In my absence he had been cornered by a family member and disrespected because of his race and then put outside because the family didn't want him there. Out of my anger I acted irrationally and drove Chris to my home. I packed my stuff, got in the car, moved out immediately and in with Chris.

Chris and I began living in sin and for the first part of our relationship we put each other before God. We decided to go ahead and get married early because we wanted to honor God in our relationship. We began planning the wedding. We were both very isolated living in Tampa. My family didn't approve of the relationship and neither of us had many friends close to us so we planned the wedding together. He even took me to get a dress and watched me try them on. He did all the bridesmaid stuff and I did the groomsmen stuff.

Finally the big day came. It was very stressful, I did my hair and makeup and we headed to the conference center where the wedding would be held. Over 75 invitations went out. We had only 25 guests attend. Needless to say we had a lot of food left over. So many things went wrong. The officiator declined an hour before the wedding so we had to get a new officiator (FAST). Neither one of us had a car and no one was ever available to take us to get our marriage license so at the time of the wedding we didn't have one. The person who was going to make the wedding cake... Well they didn't. My mother didn't attend the wedding. My brother's tux wasn't paid for because we were broke. It was one thing after another. However, once the ceremony started it all worked out. I remember when the officiator recited the famous "anyone who objects" line, and my expression towards the guests. I glanced at them with this "If you say anything" threatening look... They broke out in laughter. Which was cool, I was partly joking but also was sick of hearing from all the people who had a problem with the interracial relationship. Finally we said "I do" and Chris kissed the bride. We were married on October 30, 2005.

We went outside for pictures and back in for the reception and FOOD!!! And for those of you who know me, you know I had to have dancers at my wedding. I had choreographed a special piece for the wedding and myself along with the Dancers of Judah danced this piece and another piece. We ended the night with worship to our Lord, Jesus Christ. It was at this point I knew our marriage had the Father's blessing.

Of course with any marriage there are trials but there were a few additional consequences we had to walk through as a result of the sin in our relationship towards the beginning. Rightfully so, we walked through these trials with the Grace of God, realizing that neither of us were perfect, neither looks at things the same way, or does things the same way. Each of us always supports the other.

Chris and I are life partners. I say partner because God has partnered us together here on earth for His purpose. To live our lives together. Our lives are not lived separate, they're lived TOGETHER! God is first in our marriage. He's our teacher, our mediator, our counselor, our peacemaker. When Chris and I are not on the same page, for instance in an argument about something, God makes a way for us both to get on the same page. We are two different people with one very specific thing in common, Jesus Christ. When I say that I don't mean that's the only thing we have in common, but it's the most important thing we have in common. And this one thing breaks through any trials, calms any storm, and keeps us loving each other every single day.

Good times at a studio I used to teach at.

One question I get asked so often is "When are you going to have kids?" I get this question so often that I'm sick of hearing it and my response makes people think I don't want children. It's not the case. Lol! I'm cringing at the question, not the thought of having kids. That's how often it's asked to me. Chris and I will have children when God wants us to have children. When another parent asks us this question it's sometimes with a condescending undertone as if we're missing this wealth of knowledge because we don't have children. We both understand that having children is not something you can know about unless you've done it. We also understand that there are unlocked emotions that are only released through having children.

However, Chris and I have been given a different wealth of knowledge by not having children. We've had the privilege of studying one another as husband and wife. We've delved head first into intimate places in each other's being that we (in our case) would have missed had we have had children before now. I'm very honored to know my husband in the way that I do. I love him with all of my heart. He is a man after God's own heart who respects me, supports me, and loves me. He is humble, he is wise, and he is my spiritual covering. He is the most beautiful human being I have ever known and I will never find another person like him. Plus he knows how to put up with my baggage (And I come with ALOT!). I'm honored to be his wife.

Kids are coming. As a matter of fact God has shown me my kids. I've held them, kissed them, and loved on them. I've had the pleasure of meeting my children and so I have no doubts that God will make good on His promise to Chris and I. But we are both firm believers in the timing of God and are not going to rush Him.

In regards to the beginning of our relationship, I do not encourage young people to rush into a marriage. That's how broken families are made. Chris and I were very blessed by the grace of God that He turned it around for His glory. However, the irrational acts in the beginning and the sin we were living in could have brought on so much bondage and did leave a few wounds that are now healed, Praise the Lord. I encourage you to WAIT! Wait for the one God has created for YOU! And if you're obedient He will bless your marriage. Today in our society we're always looking for convenience. Let's not adhere to what has become a "Mcdonaldized" generation. I'm here to tell you that God is inconvenient almost all the time. He works when you’re outside your comfort zone. He will surprise you! But it's okay because He's God and He wants to bless His children. He doesn't adhere to the world's agenda. This is why it's hard for us to wait on Him sometimes but be faithful. He always keeps His promises.

Another topic that comes up a lot is "Why would you marry someone you're not attracted to?" I hear it time and time again from ignorant young people. I'm not marrying anyone without a six pack, blue eyes, can dance like Usher, brown hair, etc... Come on! Are you going to tell God how to wrap your blessing? "God it has to be wrapped in red wrapping paper with pink stripes and six green bows tied on the top. It can't be wrinkled either, Lord. If it doesn't have all that on the outside then I don't want the gift on the inside." Now again, when I first met Chris I was not attracted to him. I didn't see us ever being romantically involved. He was not at all what I was looking for. But, in the time we spent together God began speaking to me through this man. In the way he spoke, the way he would stay quiet, the way he moved, the way he brushed his teeth, the way he would read a book, the way he put his keys on the counter, the way he walked to the mailbox, the way he drove a car, and so on. He became so irresistible to me and now, Mmmmmm .... mmmmmmm...... mmmmmmmmmmmm... He is the sexiest man alive and no one can tell me any different.

2008 at a Bridal Convention.

Another remark I hear a lot is "I have to know before we get married if he can get down in the bedroom." That may be a little hard core of a remark for some of you super spiritual folks so I apologize for that. Here's my response to this remark. God created sex for a husband and a wife. Not before marriage and not with anyone else. That is key, that God created sex. I'm not talking about what the devil robbed and turned into something else. I'm talking about the physical act of making love between a husband and a wife. Like I said before, God is our teacher. He will teach a man how to touch his wife so that she feels beautiful, sexy, wanted, and satisfied. He will do that just like He'll teach a woman how to touch her husband in a way that he feels strong, vulnerable, safe, and masculine. God will teach them what the other needs and show them how to provide it.

I thank God for my marriage every day. I'm so blessed to be living this life with the man that I love. I feel so sad that so many are missing out on this blessing by opting out of their marriages through divorce or opting into a marriage that was not part of God's design. When I talked to a man or woman anywhere who has been married 20, 25, 30.... 50 years and up I make it a point to tell them how awesome they are and thank them for setting such a wonderful example of marriage. It's so hard to find now days.

I don't by any means claim that Chris and I have it all together and all figured out. We never will. I just want to share the blessings that God has so graciously bestowed on us.

My Beautiful man of God!

To Christopher Leland Burch: I would be a big mess if God hadn't used you as a tool to help clean me up. I thank you for the example that you set for me every day. The example that Christ sets for you. I thank you that you have much to teach me and because you're such a wonderful person you're happy to share your knowledge with me. I thank you for putting up with my baggage and my craziness and doing it in a way that makes me feel loved and supported. I thank you for respecting me as a woman of God and always listening to what I have to say. I thank you for asking me to marry you and staying married to me for these past six years and promising to stay with me until death parts us. I thank you that you've promised never to leave me and thus far have never given me a reason to believe that you ever will. Thank you for being a trust worthy and faithful man to me. Thank you for always being honest with me and telling me the truth even when it hurts but also when it hurts delivering the message with such humility and regards for my feelings. Thank you for following Christ's plan for our life. Thank you for the little things you do like holding me after a hard day, and kissing me after we come home from work. Thank you for always honoring Friday Night Date Night. Thank you for creating a beautiful sanctuary for us to live in, where the Spirit of God dwells. Thank you for exalting me as the only woman in your life and talking about me as if I were a queen. Thank you for being the relieving simple to my complicated. Thank you for being who you are and loving who I am. I love you. I wish there was a bigger word for love but all I can do is capitalize. I LOVE YOU!!!

Accountability - A Message for Leaders

Accountability

It’s something that almost everyone asks for but only a precious few accept it and move on to change their life. Unfortunately, this is a behavior I encounter all the time, especially as a leader. I always ask people “How can I help you reach your goals?” The answer that I almost always get is “I need accountability, support, and motivation.” I say “No problem.” I love this answer that people give because it’s bathed in truth. We all need that. The part that I don’t particularly care for is the behavior that is soon to follow.


If you’ve ever been in a position of leadership you know that people don’t respond to accountability very well. You know how it goes. When it comes down to making results happen people start dodging your calls, your emails, and even at a point of contact stutter over their words and stop looking you in the eye as if they’re scared to give you their excuse.


So what’s the problem? Well, I’m going to present you with this theory.

The reason this behavior follows your pining efforts to hold people accountable is due to the fact that the goal has not been properly strategized and committed to.

Most people do not have the planning skills and the discipline it takes to reach the goals that they’re setting. It’s a learning process. Think about this. The majority of the changes that are made in our lives are not planned or even wanted. They are either spontaneous or things we can’t help. It takes discipline to be able to effect changes in our life and this is one attribute a lot of us are lacking. Going hand in hand with a lack of discipline the majority of the time we lack planning skills that go with it.

So what needs to happen first? First the person you’re influencing as a leader has to have made up their mind that they want to improve and make the change. I hate to compare it to this but it is a very real example. It’s like trying to help an addict. You can’t help them if they don’t want to help themselves.

My advice is when you have this initial conversation with the person you’re wanting to help is that you identify with them

1) That you’re serious about helping them and you mean business.

2) Find out how serious they are about making this change. What are they willing to do? What are they willing to give up?

3) Get they’re verbal commitment. Make them say it out loud like they MEAN IT!

4) Identify the steps and methods you are going to use to help this person. Also, concur with them and find out their preferences on how they want to be helped.

5) Document this person’s goal and commitment and have them sign it. Is this a legal document? No. But it’s another step in the process and lets them know you’re serious and they need to be as well. Make sure they get a copy. You’re going to come back to this periodically and remind them of their goal.

Don’t give up on them! Again, a lot of people talk plenty of talk. It’s not your job to make up people’s mind to turn talk into walk. It’s your job to do just what you said you were going to do. So do it. If the minute they start wavering you stop “Wasting your time,” They’re going to tell themselves that you were never serious and here’s just another person that talks the talk and has given up on them. You as a leader, be persistent and don’t take it personal when people start dodging your calls and talking to you with their tail tucked between their legs and head down.

So which one are you? Most of us have been on both sides of this fence. However, let’s make a point to make this area better. When you say something MEAN IT! When you say something and you didn’t mean it explain to the person you said it to the real situation so they’re not hanging onto that information. If you say something and your circumstances change just be honest. Honesty is received so much better than Dishonesty.

A message to you: Every day strive to being a better person in every area of your life. Never wake up the same person. It’s a NEW day. Be a NEW you.

 

Thanks for reading!

Top 10 Tips for Living a Healthier Life

1. Take before and after pictures, your weight, and your measurements.

• Your before and after pictures are going to help you track your progress and keep you motivated once you see how far you’ve come. Get in your shorts (and sports bra for females) and snap that photo from the front, side, back, and other side. Don’t suck in or push out your stomach. Stand with a normal posture and arms down at your side.

• Make sure you get your start weight. However, do not continue to weight yourself every day because the scale is not the most accurate portrayal of your progress. Water weight, building muscle, and natural hormonal changes can affect that number and you don’t want to become discouraged by these things.

• Take your body measurements. These are necessary because they are going to be the most accurate way to monitor your progress. You’re going to measure your bust/chest, waist, hips, right & left arm, right & left thigh, & abductors. See the picture below (Pic 1).

2. Keep a food and exercise journal.

• Counting calories is very under rated. After all, 100 calories a day can be the difference between losing weight and gaining weight. Document what you eat, the times you eat, and what type of exercise you do every day. It’s not as hard as people make it sound.

3. Eat every 2 to 3 hours around five to six meals a day.

• For example: Breakfast, Snack, Lunch, Snack, Dinner, optional snack (be careful with this one). Planning your meals is going to help you stick to a healthier way of eating.

4. Don’t eat after 7:00 PM.

• Your metabolism starts slowing down at the end of the day therefore you’re not burning as many calories and those evening meals will start sticking to those problem areas.

5. Eat Breakfast!





Pic 2


• Breakfast is such an important meal. It’s going to jump start your metabolism for the day. It will also make you more alert, give you more energy, and set the mood for your meals that day. Here’s an example of the effect breakfast has on your metabolism (Pic 2).

6. Strive to get 8 hours of sleep.

• I know. This is a big one. We all have busy lives. Let’s face it. We are much more functional when we get an adequate amount of sleep every night. This like your meals and workouts also needs to be planned.

7. Drink plenty of water.

• If you’re not an avid water drinker then strive for the 8 glasses a day and work your way up. For those who are a little better at this strive for a gallon a day. I carry a gallon of water everywhere I go. It’s necessary to stay hydrated and by the time you’re thirsty you’re already dehydrated.

8. Make a To Do list.

• Each day we all have tons of things to do. But I need you to know that your success lies in your ability to plan your day, week, month, year, and so on. But we’re going to start with our day. At the end of the day make your to do list for the next day. Keep it with you and check the items off one at a time. You’ll be amazed how much it actually helps once you do it. Did you know the 3% population that is the most successful all keep to do lists?

9. Stick to your exercise regimen.

• First you’ve got to find something that you’re going to commit to doing every day. Schedule your workouts and make that time non-negotiable just like your job. You feel better and have more energy when you workout. It makes you better at everything you do. Taking care of your kids, your family, your job, yourself, etc. You have to discipline yourself to stick with this. Tell yourself “I’m not allowed to leave this room until I have my workout gear on.” “I’m not allowed to watch this program until I workout.” “I’m not allowed to go to this show until I workout.” My personal recommendation is to work out in the morning if at all possible. It’s done and over with and sets the tone for your whole day.

10. Lighten up!

• Life is too short. Take some time for yourself. When you’re taking care of you, you can take care of others. Don’t participate in negative dialogue. Be that person that people want to be around. Look at the positives in your life. Stuff happens but get up and move on. It builds your character and makes you better.